#PZ Problems Resolved #1

Dear #pitzerproblems,

I am finally letting go of my last long term boyfriend, but now acquired a tendency to hook up with freshman boys. Am I feeling needy? Are the Pitzer boys just too cute to handle? Am I all of a sudden resorting to metro since there’s nothing else here? HELP ME! What do I do? This is so out of character, but is a serious #pitzerproblem.

Sincerely,

Desperado

 

Dear Desperado,

First of all let me say I’m so sorry about your breakup! I understand that it can be hard to find a new boytoy, especially with sites such as ‘Like a Little’ down, and half of the Junior class away on Study Abroad. However, this is a perfect opportunity to enjoy being a single lady. Every time you hear Beyonce sing, “All the women who are independent, throw your hands up,” your hands should be up in the air! (Even if you’re in a packed corner of Pub grinding with a cute Pomona senior.) My advice is to enjoy social events like Pub and TNC, play the field and meet lots of boys, because if your boyfriend liked you, he should have put a ring on it.

 

Dear #Pitzerproblems,

I accidentally ripped my favorite sweater on a cactus. I’m so bummed. Now what!?

Sincerely,
Wardrobe Malfunction

 

Dear Wardrobe Malfunction,

If this had been a few years ago on the Pitzer Campus, you would have been fine since we used to be clothing optional. But now with the influx of hipsters opposed to hippies, clothes are definitely necessary. My advice to you would be to casually walk by the clothes hanging on clothespin of the Freshman dorms, pretend it’s a Goodwill and snag your fave.
Dear Pitzer Problems,

In the mess of all the soapy bubbles at Foam, I seemed to have lost my dignity and I can’t find it anywhere! Where should I search for it? Student-talk seems really unreliable these days and I don’t think anyone has dropped it off at the service desk to be claimed. I’m positive I had everything when I left Mudd? Help :/

Sincerely,
Soapy Mess

Dear Soapy Mess,

The loss of dignity is a common problem amongst many 5C students during foam. DO NOT PANIC. Although student talk and the service desk are two great resources for retrieving lost items, it is unlikey that you will find your dignity there. Try going about your classes, schoolwork, and daily activities in a normal, dignified manner. I am sure your dignity will show up again soon, it just might take a few days. If not, hit us up again and we’ll move on to plan b.

Sincerely,
Pitzer Problems

 

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